Seventeen. It's been seventeen times now that I've found myself torn awake from this horrible nightmare. Sweaty and short of breath I wake up begging it to stop. It haunts me. Like some kind of fatal plague, I can't escape it. Since the night you left me wallowing in a disgraceful mess on the living room floor, coughing from tears and hearing you curse and laugh at me for spitting vomit across your sacred rented floor I've been tormented by this vision of love eternal destroyed in an instant. Seventeen times I've watched you kiss me and chain me to a monstrous archway before making your way through the looming metal gates of a dark, yet beautiful garden of roses. As you wander to the center of the circular maze, engulfed in its beauty, tiny wolves walking clumsily their hind legs emerge from the thorns, following slowly behind while you laugh and pick flowers-disregarding my frantic screams to leave the artificial serenity of this deceitful garden and save yourself from its merciless fate. I try to run to you. I long to protect you from the amassing beasts, yet I find myself struggling and endlessly fighting the unwavering chains, unable to do more than wail in flawless agony as I watch you turning to play with them; unaware that hundreds more lie in the shadows waiting only for the perfect moment to attack. You're holding one now; and others are crawling up your back and surrounding your legs. Fear strikes. I hear you call for me. You're screaming, begging them to stop, calling for me to save you as they drag you by the hair into the blackness; ripping your flesh and tearing off your limbs as they eat you alive. With tear flooded eyes I wrestle in vain the monstrous chains surrounding me, unable to break free, longing only to loose you from your torment and drag you to safety like I'd done so many times before. You're cries grow louder. I want to die for you. I can hear you sobbing, pleading endlessly for release. I reach for you. I hear you wail in senseless agony as I watch you struggle against the thousands until they rip out your throat and silence your deafening cries. You've bound me. I weep for you. Coughing and screaming I beg them to let you go. Tears drown me. Destroyed. I can’t take this. I collapse, forced to watch them ravage your lifeless body and scatter your remains about what's left of the now tattered field. When at last they finally are through with you, my binds release and overcoming weakness I rush to where you were. I cry for you. Crawling on my hands and knees wailing in lifelessness, seeking in desperation to find some piece with which to rebuild your severed life and make you whole again. Emptiness. Solitude. A shimmer of light. A diamond. From beneath decaying thorns of irreparable foliage I find your ring; still wrapped about a forgotten finger no one knew or cared about enough to digest. Flesh hangs freely in a bloodied, tangled mess as I hold the only piece I have left of you for a brief moment until the frail flesh crumbles in my hands; robbing me of all I adored. Surrounded by the hideous remains of what once was unparalleled beauty, I collapse alone. Silence. Hollow. No wind. No comfort; only constant nothing. A gaping and eternal void that even time itself questions its ability to fill. It’s in this unending vacant darkness I lie, wallowing in inescapable helplessness until I awaken. I thought I'd escaped - yet here you are. Well done, sweet slaughter, you've found me...
“But thou, O LORD, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter of my head…” Ps 3:3
It’s almost six am now and I’ve already blogged a dream. I've also used all of 2011’s allotted supply of depressive emotion. This is turning into a fantasy blog. That’s good, I guess. Anyway, I suppose I might as well get up, make some pancakes, drown a rabbit and do something productive . Can’t let a horrifically obnoxious awakening ruin a potentially incredible day. I’m actually not sure what’s worse; the fact that my sleep was disturbed or the fact that I woke up singing “Black and Yellow” at five forty something AM. Regardless, today’s gonna be awesome. I love living too much for it not to be…on second thought forget the rabbit, I think I’ll drown the guy who concocted the idea of allowing dogs in the house…plans made…we're off...The End…
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