Sunday, January 16, 2011

Perception: finding the LAUGHTER in sLAUGHTER.

I understand that the PETA induced repercussions associated with posting this photograph will quite possibly be entirely disproportionate to the offense and, therefore, leave me humbled in a reddened mess of faux blood and latex balloon shrapnel. However, my actions have been thoroughly...rationalized...besides, screw PETA. Quite honestly, the vast array of wimpy, protein-lacking pansies is on the same level of unbearabillity as listening to a recently dumped highschooler's sob story or sitting through a Taylor Swift song without going the full 'Van Gogh'...Ha! those are both the same thing!!! Ahem, please disregard the redundancy...and we're back on I was saying, PETA's opinion is of little or no importance to me. Forget I even mentioned PETA. Who is PETA? I don't believe they exist. Really though, if you put this whole thing in perspective, nobody really cares about dogs anyway. When warped correctly, canine homicide actually seems like a rather godly conquest. Let me explain (in far more words than necessary) while utilizing the often overlooked italic option this site so generously provides. Exhibit A:  Two young men are sitting in a 1950's era diner strategically planning a mass animal slaughter. Their server, possessing an uncanny ability to recognize deceased political figures, realizes that the two men are, in fact, Dwight David Eisenhower and General George Patton. Filled with excitement at the fact that he has been given the chance to wait upon such men of valor, he attempts to strike cheery conversation and, in time, inquires as to the nature of their conversation. “We’re planning an animalistic massacre,” Eisenhower declares, not wishing to hide their genocidal agenda. “Really? What’s going to happen?” the waiter replies. "We’re going to kill 10 million puppies and one outrageously clever bicycle repairman with a tasteful affinity for wearing silly hats in public.” With that the waiter recoils in despair and screams “Why are you going to kill the bicycle repairman, he's innocent!?!” “See" shouts Patton "I told you no one would care about the flippin' puppies!” And it's all just a matter of perception...
Case Closed.

No comments: