Monday, November 18, 2013

I Am Cooler Than Ryan Gosling

Through the last few months, a vicious surge of Ryan Gosling pictures have flooded my news feed, instagram stream and every other form of picture-based, social network I subscribe to. 
Now, I don't mind Mr Gosling; I think Dead Man's Bones is fantastic and the man's a heck of an actor.  However, what bothers me most, apart from the constant presence of a consistent face plaguing my screen, is that fact that people are failing to realize that I, in fact, am way cooler than Ryan Gosling could ever hope to be.  Just ask him.
You know what, don't even bother - I asked him for you.  Here is what he had to say:

"Jordan is way cooler than I could ever hope to be." - Ryan Gosling

See, what did I tell you? 

In case you don't believe me, I had my friends at Rolling Stone Magazine compile a list of reasons I am "way cooler than Ryan Gosling could ever hope to be" - 

1)  He's Canadian

I don't think that I need to explain any further.

This blog is not intended to offend, hurt, or cause brokenheartedness to those reading. Its sole purpose is to inform and educate the misinformed, uneducated, heard of American teens, posting in mass their love for someone second best. Hashtag your inadequate #mcm every week, tack pictures to your wall and mirror and strut about like you're in love with the greatest man alive...but deep within that tiny, depraved, little soul of yours, know this - he is a Canadian, and therefore un-American.
By using the simply logic, one can deduce such: 

Canada is not America
   ------------------------------}         Canada is Iraq 
Iraq is also not America       -----------------------------}        Canada Harbors Terrorists
                                         Iraq harbors terrorists              -------------------------------}         RG harbors terrorists
                                                                               Ryan Gosling is Canadian              ----------------------------------}  
                                                                                                                                               Guilt by association 

Ryan Gosling is a terrorist
-------------------------------------}   Ryan Gosling isn't cool
 Trrorists aren't cool                  --------------------------------}  I am not a Terrorist 
                                                         I am American                   -----------------------------}  I am cooler than Gosling
                                                                                                   Not-terrorists are cool

Try all you like, but you can't argue with logic...

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